Archive for the ‘Musings’ Category

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photo by jean claire dy 2010 (click on image for larger size)

All I can say is that yesterday, I became a convert. First, I was suddenly enamored by Fall. And I can probably say it’s my favorite season. The colors and the light the sun brings during this time of the year are amazing for photography. Second, I’m a convert because I like Canon now. I used to be a Nikon die-hard fan. But now, it doesn’t matter anymore, really. Playing with the Canon 7D I borrowed from school was uber fun. I particularly like how it allows for softness in pictures. Betina, model in this picture and also my subject for the non-fiction video webseries I am creating, looks so stunning in this portrait.

It has been a long time since I picked up a dslr and went out for a shoot. Yesterday was amazingly exhilarating despite the cold (my hands were freezing). I want to do this again and again. Please?

silent thanksgiving

Posted: November 25, 2010 in All and Sundry, Musings


photo by jean claire dy 2010

Back in my country, I have never celebrated Thanksgiving because it isn’t part of our tradition. So last year when everybody started preparing for it, I seriously panicked because I had no plans. I told myself “well, I’ll just spend the rest of the break from schoolwork by reading, watching movies online, and just plainly being lazy. Besides, I’m not American.” Finding myself in the middle of the holiday frenzy was no less than a really terrible experience of peer pressure. Fortunately, my cousin George invited me to his last minute Thanksgiving party. I enjoyed the get-together, turkey and all, which became more of like a reunion of Filipinos of sorts rather than a real American Thanksgiving dinner. But who cares anyway. It wasn’t such a big deal for me.

This year, I told myself the same thing. I didn’t get invites. I only received one after I asked my cousins in Jersey what they were planning. So I decided I would just spend the rest of the break in my room still doing the same thing I planned to do on breaks–watch movies online, read books ( I made sure to borrow 5 books from the library last week), play video games, chain smoke and drink lots of alcohol. Yes, by myself.

Let’s see how this will turn out. As of this writing, I’m sitting in the living room, drinking wine, watching a tv series on Hulu and pondering over the painful silence that engulfs me, and the blank spaces I felt the strong urge to fill.

But indeed there are still so much to be thankful for today and every day of the year. Really.  🙂

Dreaming in Fall

Posted: September 30, 2010 in All and Sundry, Musings

photo taken with a Samsung mobile phone

So what is it about the beginning of Fall that makes me utterly exhausted every end of the day? I know, I know, it’s the change of season (something I’m definitely not used to) and what have you, but really there must be more to this than meets the eye. Or maybe I’m finding myself in this mood again–constant contemplation, ruminating about such trivial things as Fall and falling and falling alone.

Once while at the 9th floor of Arnold Hall, I was reading chapters from a book of Managing Creativity, and I suddenly looked up to see this sight of buildings framed by a glass window. And I was suddenly jolted back by this reminder that I am still in New York, urban jungle where they say “dreams are made of” and yet I realized, I haven’t been dreaming really. Lately every time I wake up, I don’t even recall my dreams much less my nightmares. And I keep wondering if it’s better to be caught in some horrifying reverie than sleep, dream, and not remember anything at all.

Somewhere out there in one of these buildings, someone is sleeping in this windy Fall afternoon, dreaming….

photo taken with my LG mobile phone (july 2010, nyc)

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the one who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars”– Jack Kerouac

Cheerful Thoughts

Posted: April 20, 2010 in All and Sundry, Musings

In times of great distress, you definitely find out who your true friends are. I for one am so surprised to have found somebody so sincerely thoughtful like Tatiana. She gave me this wonderful card reminding me that I am awesome. It also came with a booklet called “Cheerful Thoughts.” I am definitely determined to share these thoughts everyday to people who need them. As Robert Luis Stevenson once wrote “There is no duty we underrate so much as the duty of being happy.”

I think everyone should get a copy of this booklet.

Slowly but surely, all these will come to pass… I have gone in the “cuckoo’s nest” and came out stronger than I normally think I am. This is just the beginning…

I used to romanticize this condition of constantly being in the middle of things, not knowing really where to go, but clearly going somewhere, just moving on and on until exhaustion breaks in. Robert Frost wrote about taking the road less taken but for me it was always about the excitement of perennially catching yourself on some road, it doesn’t matter if it is less taken or not, the exhiliration stems from the awareness that you are on a road and you chose that road. Easy to rely on abstractions I supposed when it comes to these ruminations. What else is there to be direct about because as I am typing this I am actually trying to be direct. Which isn’t really an excuse. But indeed, roads are roads, and we often whether we like it or not, find ourselves in the middle of it or at an intersection or better yet, slumped in some bend or roadside.

Lately, I am pre-occupied with the philosophical exploration of actually stopping at some destination; no longer obsessed with the constant moving and being in between, in the limbo of things. What makes individuals decide that this is the end of a journey? Does this construction of a road that they had to take play a major role in such decision? If the road ends, so it ends? Or is it really a conscious decision, an exercise of a great range of human agency that the individual would single-handedly just decide to stop anywhere but somewhere that matters?

Looking at this picture I took somewhere in a submarine museum in Connecticut last year, I started wondering about the human desire to really discover what is beyond that edge of this picture, the desire to transcend the horizon. We are constantly being told that we do have that curiosity to go beyond what we can see because of the basic reason that we are curious. But what about the desire and curiosity to stay within the boundaries? What of that?

photo by jean claire dy 2009