Archive for the ‘Love and Heartbreak’ Category

snow… again

Posted: December 13, 2010 in All and Sundry, Love and Heartbreak

so i went out of the building today to smoke because i had to rest from editing video in the video room somewhere on the 8th floor (a perfect hideout during these stressful days of finals). when i was smoking and thinking of other ways to finish a 10-page paper due on wednesday, i suddenly noticed that it had started to snow. flurries raining down on my shoes. i had to heave a sigh because then i couldn’t stop myself from romanticizing this sight, scene of snowflakes falling on my feet–this beginning of an end.

you, i thought of you. again. how agonizing can this get? the only consolation is that i did find myself smiling down on my feet, white smoke coming out of my nostrils, because the thought of you made me smile. yes, for the first time, a happy memory crossed my mind of you telling me a story about your first contact with snow.

“can i use that as the beginning of my short story?” i remember saying that to you that night. you told me i can do whatever i want with it, then you kissed me, hugged me really tight, and stared at me, your blue eyes glinting in the darkness.

how can i delete the memory of you and snow? i don’t even have concrete memories of events. i just have this concept of you  and snow and you talking about snow.

i’ve always thought that this time winter will be different. and that when it finally snows, i’d smile with the assurance that life is getting better, that i have you, and that everything even if covered in winter whiteness won’t seem so sad and dreary.

i guess i was wrong.  i don’t have you, and judging from how life is turning out these days, i have no clue as to how winter will be like this year for me.

*ps: i’ve begun writing a script for a short film using snow as objective correlative. the story will be set in new york. i’m excited to do this project on january. well, i guess i know you don’t understand what objective correlative is but see, it has to deal with emotions. yes, something i’m sure you’re uncomfortable talking about.

kiss me, i’m shitfaced

Posted: December 13, 2010 in Love and Heartbreak

Ironically, testosterone jerk-off music such as from the Dropkick Murphys, is good background soundtrack for dealing with a broken heart these days.

I’ve never thought all these masculine macho bullshit stuff would make me feel so much better. You don’t have to think while listening to their music because it’s all noise anyway. I’m tired of thinking and overanalyzing. Every time I wake up, I start listening to all these hysterical masculine noise and suddenly I find myself laughing out loud and then soon enough, standing back on my feet. So take that for stupid release.

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