solitude

Posted: December 16, 2010 in All and Sundry


Sometimes I get really annoyed when people here in New York tell me to “get a life” or “to have my own life.” I mean seriously? I do have a life. Unlike some women I know, I don’t go out clubbing often, or go to the movies, or hang out drinking with friends, because I’m really not like that as a person. Even when I was living in Davao City, weekends for me was a time to relax away from work, that means going on a TV series or movie marathon for two days. Yes by myself–watching 4 to 5 movies in a row. I’m a couch potatoe that way. If I needed to drink, I’d go out to the nearest store, buy beer and drink with my friend John or N and some students. Sometimes, when I needed to work on a story at the media agency I am a part of, I’d spend the Saturday there, still alone in the computer room, and then later I’d probably spend a few hours in the night drinking with friends in the media at Matina Town Square. It’s only when I have to cover events or go on a travel assignment on weekends that I really do something outside of my usual routine–spending time alone at home watching movies.

Fridays for me was usually about sports and exercise. I’d run, swim, or climb the wall. But that’s about it. I love sports and it has always been a part of my life since childhood.

So there, I love being alone. I love staying at home. And in New York, I am no different. After school, I always have the urge to go home directly, the occasional exceptions would be if I have to meet my friend John, Tot, or Grace for movies or a few beers. But that’s about it. There  are rare times when my cousin Charlene and Mae would ask me out to dinner on Saturdays, or tour Queens Center Mall. But those times are few and far between. Most of the time, I’d end up saying “no” to an invitation just because I’d rather stay home in bed, lazily watching TV online. That’s me. Or yes, most of the time reading a book I’m pre-occupied with at the moment.

If I had my own library, I would be sitting there just riffling through books and writing down memorable passages from them.

I’m a bore for some people.  But for me, these moments I mentioned are the most relaxing moments of my life.

If ever I’m in a relationship, I’d compromise. I would start loving spending weekends with that person only because those will be happy moments of still, relaxation.  Because yes, if you like someone so much as to completely abandon your routines, then you’re on the right track. You are willing to change your world and let that person in. Change isn’t scary. Change is exciting. It is about taking risks, falling flat on your face along the way, but yet laughing in the process while tears trickle down your cheeks.

So there, despite that some people say I don’t like being alone, that I’m lonely, I still maintain that I am totally in love with my solitude. Those moments are precious. There might be times when I freak out and feel like I can’t live with my skin and body, but those are rare too.

This winter break might be a good chance to be alone in solitary happiness. I can’t wait!

Comments
  1. stickslip says:

    She sighed a great deal because it was difficult to live alone. Solitude was crushing her. It was terrible not to have a single person to talk to. She was the most lonely creature she knew… (Clarice Lispector)

  2. Lynda Pringle says:

    I love the pleasures of solitude where my thoughts can be completely my own and I do not need to compromise with others. I enjoy the hodgepodge of random thoughts that crop into my head during my moments of solitude.

  3. Kiko Matsing says:

    Hi Claire! Where are you? -T

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