Rough Ruminations

Posted: December 4, 2008 in All and Sundry

000_0816Johnnypanic just blogged about the unnerving humidity hereabouts. And I admit it has been annoying me in the past days since I returned. Perhaps because I have been used to spending days and nights in air-conditioned rooms last month in Manila. Or perhaps the weather or climate is really going berserk. Not to my advantage. But that’s just minor.

What is truly annoying is the cough and colds I have been suffering from since the first week of November up until now. I have attributed the condition rather unfairly to the pollution in Manila, but now I have realized that probably the cough and colds were aggravated by other factors. So I guess I need to deal with the itchy throat, the sniffles, and constant barking for succeeding days.

***

In the middle of conversations with Dencio and Johnnypanic at their house tonight, I found myself suddenly thinking aloud: “I miss Ligaya.” I was referring to Ligaya, their former roommate, whose animated yet rare chatter I suddenly missed, just because she is no longer in Davao but has left in November without having been able to say to goodbye to us. (Of course, I have always known that she is not the “despidida” type but would rather go quietly with no funfare.)

Then I realized that attachments that aren’t necessarily the romantic kind are really powerful. Maybe this is the reason why some people I know avoid it, especially those nomads at heart. They’re so adept at keeping an emotional distance to everything around them so that when it’s about time to leave, it’s easier for them to let go, snap out of their current state, and move on. No moments of missing the missing.

The most scariest thought that crosses my mind from time to time is the idea of having to say goodbye to anything, anybody, everything, and even nothing.

But that’s what life is all about I guess. (I don’t claim to have seen the answers yet.) It is about comings and goings, presence and absence, the whole binaries and paradoxes that make up such a complex web of relationships, trajectories, and experiences. What we do is make sense of these indicators. Interpret, then understand, in order to form some kind of analysis we might be courageous enough to call wisdom.

*photo taken when I was rushing to the UP Diliman Main Library with Martin*

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