Nostalgic Happiness

Posted: June 4, 2008 in All and Sundry
Tags: , ,

So you asked me if I’m happy? What is happiness anyway but some abstract concept you have to make concrete. Happiness for me is so many things. The most tangible happiness I felt so far were those moments I felt back in Dumaguete, when I was still a college student. I’d go home to a silent house, exhausted and stressed out, and angry at the world most of the time. Then the door would open, and I’d be greeted by my niece Cheska, fat and bubbly, pinkish cheeks and all, in her favorite fairy princess dress. She’d hug me tight, wrapping her arms around my legs. Yes, by the doorstep before I go inside. That was happiness. All the cares in the world would just melt away. She’d be giggling, shouting my name, clearly happy that I exist, that I’m around to be with her at the end of the day.

Little things like that make me happy.

Archival pictures to boot. As I was searching through my mail’s inbox, I found this picture of me looking very happy. Boyd took this picture a month before he died. We were sitting by the doorstep at the old MindaNews office, smoking, he with his camera, me with a pocketbook copy of Susan Sontag’s “On Photography.” I was close to pontificating about Art and Literature and other things in between. He was snapping away. And I guess he said something very funny at one point that made me laugh. He kept teasing me about my short hair. *typical*

I like this picture. This is me when giddy. Nose wrinkled in a certain way. This is my real smile in black and white.

So you ask me about happiness? Was I ever happy? Of course, I was and still am capable of being happy. Though there are moments when I fade into the black backdrop, I am certain seemingly trivial, mundane things still fascinate me. Stomping my feet into the sand. Looking at kids playing chinese garter. Shooting hoops at the mall (the electronic game somewhere in Gaisano M). Meeting old friend by chance. Meeting new ones in moments when life seemed so confusing. Hugging a friend, and being hugged in return.

So many wonderful things are at out fingertips. We just have to learn to realize that we don’t have to suffer to be happy.

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