Rant Slants and Heartwarming Happenings

Posted: February 4, 2007 in All and Sundry, Musings, Rants

mood: lethargic (coz of medicines) / song of the moment:  Volcano Girls by Veruca Salt from the “Eight Arms to Hold You” album (1997) 

been a bit happy lately because of certain reasons despite the fact that i’ve been constantly feeling the pressure to get a scholarship for graduate studies “because in the academe you’re NOTHING if you don’t have those letters attached to your name,” coupled with a “you’re not getting any younger.” it’s like a scholarship is a substitute for marriage. *roll eyeballs* goddamn. sometimes, i just wanna scream at these people that in my field, an MA isn’t gonna help you much since people would be expecting you to have published a book, had several well-received solo exhibits or performances, been to artist residencies, and so on. and besides, there are a lot of people i know who have MAs but are… erm… nevermind. i promised to be good this year. but can’t help it.

so i have recently decided to rid myself of all these hulabaloo expectations and burdens of becoming a “good scholar” or “academic” according to the standards of other people. one of those burdens is this whole “mindanao” thing going on. like hello! somebody should write an “idiot’s guide to being the foremost mindanawon studies scholar.”and then everybody should follow that darn formula. what’s with this whole parochial exclusivity eh? migratory as i am, i still feel rooted because of certain things but i do feel a little eeky about the word “studies” often associated with positivist thinking. as though you really can get out of yourself (as human being) to study yourself. as adrienne rich said: “the personal is political.”

 i am now going to rebel against that idea. besides, i have this really bitter memory of a “foremost mindanawon scholar” screaming at me and telling me that who am i to say things when i’m just a “dayo,” a transient, and i’m not mindanawon. even though that happened in the past (around 2 yrs ago), that incident is forever etched in my memory (not until i leave this place) , hence, i declare that i can only do so much in my own way. nevermind foremost scholars and their patriarchal sense of exclusivity and insular thinking, who can’t appreciate a dissenting honest opinion from a wide-eyed twenty-something “intellectual” kuno.

therefore,  i’m happy that despite this small space i call upmin ba-english creative writing program, there’s a space still for creative minds to flourish in mindanao. for it is always in the margins, i might say, that creative things abound and flourish long before the center coopts them. so johnnyboy and i are excited about our latest project entitled “sinews of syllables” (thanks to nino for the title). it’s a night of poetry and movement with our very own creative writing students as performers/readers and some bayla vinta dancers. baby steps are fine with me, as always, as long as we made an effort to keep the arts alive among teeners.

the show will be held this coming february 15.

i’m a bit sure that grown-ups won’t be there because it’s not an “intellectual” activity. but that’s fine with me. the whole thing is for us young ‘uns anyway. *snicker*

some of our student performers are revelations in their own way. some turned out to be really good actresses during rehearsals. i’m particularly excited about my choreography of one of bjork’s songs (an ee cummings poem turned into a song). johnnyboy’s sister is dancing to it and she’s one hell of a born dancer.

another thing to be happy about is my class in cw101 that are made up of second year creative writing students. they’ve got potential and most importantly, THE HEART for ART. a little cynicism here and there but not that many to cover the entire space.

also, my communication arts students’ excitement and eagerness to learn makes my heart grow bigger everyday. i mean, who want’s to go into writing for print media these days when there’s tv, right? but, wonder of all wonders, the students are really into it. such attitude gives me enough strength to convince myself that all these efforts have meaning.  

so i guess these small stuff are really heartwarming after all. not to mention that i have gotten into my creative vibe (see next entry) lately so i’m getting into my process, a thing i usually call a natural high (if you know what i mean).

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