New Beginning… One Last Look

Posted: December 26, 2006 in All and Sundry

Photo Hosted at buzznet.commy friend walter (from mindanews) just got married last december 23 and i wasn’t there to see him make his vows. i had my reasons. and i know he’d understand once i apologize to him for not showing up during his most important day. the most obvious reason is that i just don’t like weddings. never have. never will. the last major wedding i attended was my elder sister’s wedding. after that, i seemed to have lost all the enthusiasm for weddings. although, i’d be excited to be part of the preparations, you know, making the souvenirs, flowers, and all the creative stuff, but i’d always decide to not turn up during the actual event. the second obvious reason is that i don’t like going to church. i don’t like being forced to go to mass and saying prayers and doing all those catholic christian rituals. churches give me the creeps. (no i am not a satanist, mind you.) there’s something about churches that reminds me of wounds that haven’t healed. (and no, i was never jilted.)

but there’s a deeper reason for not attending walter’s wedding. and it’s a secret.

a few days before walter’s wedding, he texted me to inform me about the schedule and suddenly, i was struck with the finality of it all. you see, walter is one of my favorite guy friends. being a “one of the boys” since i was still in jumpers and pigtails, i often keep deep friendships and affinities with the opposite sex. if you count the guy friends i have, the number would be greater than the female friends i have.

walter and i have shared so many funny, sometimes heartbreaking moments together. two christmases ago, he and i got really drank over bottles of red horse at the back of the mindanews office trading stories about life and dreams yet to be fulfilled. i could talk to walter because he’s one of the sensible, practical, and yes, intelligent men i know. and he’s just my age, which makes him more accessible in terms of sensibilities.

walter isn’t the serious, i’m out to change the world, kind of guy. although, he does have dreams of changing the world, he’s practical about it. most of my happiest moments in mindanews were with him. the laughter! oh the laughter! oftentimes, we would laugh our hearts out and talk about really silly, mundane things but never felt sorry about it.

what i really miss about walter are the times when we’d be feeling a bit intellectual and we’d talk about world affairs, politics, economics and so on. and i’d be looking at him in amazement and wondering if there are a lot of guys like him left for women to swoon at.

indeed, we’ve had our own share of misunderstanding and fights (shouting matches) but those are overshadowed by the laughtes, the smiles, the simple good-naturedness of camaraderie we share.

walter knows how to love. and love really well. and i know he’ll be happy with married life.

which brings me to not going to his wedding. i think i probably wanted to avoid the feeling of doing the last look. one last look at walter. because whatever one says, things do change after weddings. friendships change. and walter will be looking at a new beginning and perhaps there won’t be enough time to look back at past.

oh well.. i’m being a bit nostalgic. the night walter texted me, i texte him back to tell him i actually cried because i felt nostalgic about us. he gave me a reassuring reply.

for what it’s worth walter thanks for listening to me all these years. for the advice. for sharing your spirituality. for everything.

wish you all the luck in this new path. shanti.

Comments
  1. Istambay says:

    Claire,

    I blew most part of my reply for this blog entry to the misty wind tonight. Indeed you are nostalgic. Don’t you think we deserve a new round of Red Horse ha? hehe. Kaso, I think you’ve shunned unwanted alcohol and smoke, right?

    On wedding day, I could have asked you to stay back in the hotel where Skippy, myself and another friend had a last-ditch stag party at 3a.m!

    I know about your “wedding” and “church” stuff. I’ve mentioned that to Skip and Tatay a week before the wedding. It’s like Skip’s real-life aversion to flights. But i know that’s uniquely Claire’s.

    Thank you. Your words speak of your casual finesse. Maybe the kind that rocks, effortlessly.

    Truly it can only come from you. Maybe, you have a good testimony of me because you are one fine being yourself. Who else could influnce this “barako” to take on the Lotus dance as an exercise? C’mon! hahaha.

    Be better Claire, Sail on!

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